KAGIN’S COLUMN

ON THE VISIT OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY

P.T. Barnum, the great showman supposedly said, "A sucker is born every minute." As proof, and for profit, Mr. Barnum reportedly filled a large fish tank with water, added some castles, shells and such, and posted a sign, "Amazing, Invisible Fish From Afghanistan." Folks paid their fee, pushed their noses against the glass, and announced "There's one," "I see one," "Yea, honey, I see it now," "Sure enough, there one is," and "Ain't that something?"

The Virgin Mary is a mythical construct of Christianity. Mary, a Jewish girl of questionable virtue, gave birth to Jesus, the god figure who gives salvation if one believes he was martyred as a sacrifice for sin and then came to life again and was taken alive by the chief god, Yahweh, his father, into a supernatural place called Heaven. While in Christian belief, Yahweh is the only god, clearly Jesus, and Mary his mother, are prayed to and treated, if not like gods, like demigods, who can get to Yahweh for them. Hence, the chant, "Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death." or "in Jesus' name we pray, amen."

The reverence for Mary is because of the belief that Mary had conceived Jesus without sex, a motif popular at the time for the birth of gods. The earliest Christian writing, the letters of Paul, do not mention the conception of Jesus by divine fiat, or that his mother was asexual prior to his birth. The belief grew later, probably to compete politically with myths of other religions.

Some Christian subdivisions give more importance to Mary than others. There are even divisions of theology known as Maryology. According to the "Catholic" division of Christianity, Mary remained a virgin forever (a basis for an anti-sex platform that still does great mischief) and, like Jesus, was transported bodily alive to Heaven. What one does with a body in a place otherwise peopled with bodiless souls, angels, and such is not explained. Mary is venerated and worshipped, and has, from time to time been reported to have appeared one way or another to earthbound believers. These visits have been in obscure places, to children, or other limited audiences. Never, to my knowledge, has she or any other Christian god figure who seeks belief as a condition of salvation given their message by interrupting every radio and television program on the earth simultaneously, in the language of every hearer. Such a happening could end much debate and save many a hell-bound skeptic's soul. In any case, alleged divine wisdom greater than mine has limited the appearances to forums smaller than Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Now we have been treated to a special appearance of the Blessed Virgin Mary (hereinafter BVM) in our area. An unnamed "visionary" in Greater Cincinnati revealed the BVM would appear Monday, August 31, 1992 at 12:00 midnight in St. Joseph Church, Cold Spring, Kentucky. (The city name is appropriate for a virgin). The vision was widely reported in the press, and, while doubted by many, was believed by many. Thousands made the pilgrimage to Cold Spring. Vendors sold BVM statutes and medallions.

But the important part of this story is that while my Helen and I were on vacation in Canada this August, as I sat by a lovely lake, the BVM appeared to me. I knew it was she. She looked just like her pictures: a blond, blue-eyed Jewish girl dressed in blue, red and white. She spoke softly and said unto me, in English, "Arise, Edwin and go unto Northern Kentucky and its suburb Cincinnati. Go and say unto them that I have visited thee, and have told thee this telling of my visit to Cold Spring is not true, but is verily the work of Satan to deceive the faithful. For I do not make scheduled visits, for only the Father Yahweh makes my schedule, and of this I know naught until it is accomplished. Warn that those who believe and attend this Satanic visitation are surely damned," and then she vanished in soft peace from my view.

When we returned home, I contacted friends in the media and proclaimed this vision and message. But they did not print it. Here was I, recipient of a private revelation of the BVM and the press ignored it. I was willing to go public, yet they chose to print the Satanic message of an anonymous oracle. I could only guess at the fate awaiting those who planned to attend. Why wouldn't they listen? How could anyone not believe a lawyer?

Helpless, I turned to other things. Perhaps a BVM world tour tee-shirt, listing various stops, Lourdes, Fatima, Guadalupe, Medegoria, Cold Spring (with a question mark after the latter). I was told such an idea would be blasphemous and that my revelation was blasphemous. Blasphemy is the crime of making fun of ridiculous beliefs someone else holds sacred.

The appointed time came and passed. Some said they saw the BVM in the trees. Some took photos of the sun (never look at the sun, especially through optics) and said a door in the sun opened and the BVM started toward Kentucky Highway 27. These folks can probably pass polygraphs on their revelations, as can their fellow travelers who have hitched rides on UFOs. Most people didn't see anything. The Bishop of Covington said nothing happened.

Thus, my vision of the BVM (which is a lie) was true and that of the "visionary" was false. That's how it is with private revelations. The press reported the whole thing as an actual, possible happening, sounding like it was a jump ball whether the BVM would appear or not. The press did not report it as a hoax or delusion. They didn't say there is no BVM to appear, or that Jesus' mother, if any, has been dead going on 2,000 years.

Those who saw her will believe, as did their grandparents who saw P.T. Barnum's fish. And these people are permitted to vote and sit on juries. They also want to tell us what our morals should be. This whole problem would never have happened if only people had listened and printed my vision of the Satanic nature of the event.

Too bad if you went.

Edwin Kagin
September 2, 1992

Last updated: 9 January 2005